Write a Letter - Heal Your Soul!
Forgive Them When They Hurt the People You Love
by Natacha Cann on September 15th, 2015

​“My biggest problem is not that I can't forgive people who have offended or hurt me. My problem is forgiving people that have hurt the people I care about.” That is a comment from one of my readers, who so eloquently shed light on how complicated forgiveness can be. It’s hard enough trying to work through the emotion and pain involved with forgiving someone who hurt you. Can you imagine also having to deal with the people who hurt someone that you care about?
 
It is very easy to fall into the trap of holding a grudge against the person who hurt your loved one. But, that grudge is pointless – it ads no value to your life and it doesn’t help your loved one get over their hurt. Your resentment may actually make matters worse because you could be reinforcing your loved one’s negative feelings. Proverbs 10:12 tells us that hatred (resentment and grudges) only stirs up strife. So, instead of contributing further to the problem, do something meaningful to help your loved one in these situations. Consider the following:
​Be an example. You should forgive the people who hurt the people that you care about. Your example of forgiveness may encourage your loved one to forgive as well. Remember, forgiveness will always enrich your life and the sooner you and your loved one can forgive and move on, the better off you both will be.
 
If you can’t forgive, get out of the way. Don’t let your unforgiving heart prevent your loved one from forgiving their offender. If you can’t forgive the person, please don’t discourage your loved one from forgiving them too. And, don’t be upset with your loved one over their decision to forgive.
 
If you get to the point where you can forgive, but your loved one still cannot, don’t let them discourage you. Your loved one may be very upset with you if you decide to forgive the person who hurt them. This is a very difficult situation to be in because your loved one may feel a sense of betrayal. However, it is your obligation to always do what is right. It is possible to show empathy and support for your loved one without participating in their “grudge holding.” Be honest and let your loved one know that you can’t harbor resentment just because they do. Resentment won’t prove that you are on their side; it will only prove to be destructive.
 
​Are you having a hard time forgiving someone who hurt your loved one? The Healing Letters Project can help. The project encourages women to write forgiveness letters to make amends, heal, and move forward. Visit our Project page, which walks you through the step-by-step process on how to write a forgiveness letter. Also, visit our Healing Letters page to read actual letters written by others. You may also want to check out our Testimonials, where women have expressed finding a sense of fulfillment and renewal through writing letters.


Posted in Forgiveness, Healing, Holding Grudges    Tagged with broken relationships, forgiving others


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