Write a Letter - Heal Your Soul!
I Can't Change You, but I Can Forgive You
by Natacha Cann on March 15th, 2016

​​I had the pleasure of exchanging correspondence with a woman who participated in The Healing Letters Project by writing a forgiveness letter to her older brother. Throughout her childhood and adult life she and her brother have had a tumultuous relationship. He has said and done things to her that were purposely hurtful and embarrassing. It took a lot of time, but she finally arrived at the point where she could say, “I forgive you.”
Looking back, she realizes there is one overall reason why she found it difficult to forgive. She writes in her letter to him, “I've stopped hoping for the day that things will change and that you and I will be close and be able to lean on each other. If I continue to want what's not possible, I will never let go of my anger or stop feeling hurt. I will never be able to forgive and move on.”
​The bottom line is that she was struggling with “acceptance.” It was difficult to accept that she could not share a brotherly and sisterly love with her only sibling. She longed for the approval of her older brother and his guidance. It was also difficult to accept that her sincere attempts to make things right between the two failed to mend the relationship. This caused her to harbor resentment towards him.
​Once she was able to put aside her hopes and dreams for the relationship and accept that she can’t make her brother who she wants him to be, she was able to “forgive and move on.” Acceptance is a huge obstacle that keeps many of us from forgiving others. This is especially the case when it’s so close to home and we desire to have a relationship with the other person.
Never resent someone for not being who you want or need them to be. Let go of your expectations because you can’t force good relationships. You can’t change who they are, but you can forgive who they are.
Have you ever found it hard to forgive someone because you want a relationship that is not possible? If so, comment on this post and share your experience.
​“Love one another with brotherly affection.”
Romans 12:10

Posted in broken relationships, forgiving, heal, Holding Grudges, role in forgiveness    Tagged with broken relationships, forgiving others


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